I Must Confess...

Psalm 19:14 "Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O LORD, my rock and my redeemer." 

I wonder how many times in reality I've failed in this.  I wish I could take every incident back.  I've taken revenge, murdered (some people more than once), committed adultery, exalted myself, humiliated others, beaten others and so much more...all in my mind.  While I've managed to learn through the years to control myself physically (most of the time), mentally I've given myself over to so much sin.  In fact I'd admit that I've sinned more in my mind than I've ever sinned in reality.  But guess what!  It is NO DIFFERENT!  I'm a wretch!  

If I were to be judged solely on my thought life I'd be condemned without question.  So when I factor in the sin I've actually committed in word and deed in addition to my thought life, I feel pretty hopeless and low.  I can not hold my head up in society.  I'm no one to sing about God.  I'm no one to instruct anyone in biblical truth.  I am unqualified and always have been unqualified.  

So why do I sing?  Why do I have the audacity to approach God in prayer and lead others in prayer? How dare I speak out against sinful practices and habits, and wayward behavior?  And who am I to instruct others in godly ways?  Don't I have some fairly big logs in my own eyes?  

God's mercy is the power behind the conviction and it's telling.    

Part of God's mercy to me has been to reveal my sin to me.  His mercy is the inspiration for the songs I sing, the words I share, the prayers I utter and the counsel I give.  And my abstinence from sin has everything to do with such an acute sense of shame and utter grief for it that can not continue lest I be guilty of crucifying Christ over and over again for the sake of my unbridled will.  I've made a practice of repentance not because I'm so holy...but because I'm so NOT holy.  

All you see of me is the little you see of my public life.  Those who know me in person see me years into my refining.  And I've come a long way as those who knew me way back when could tell you.  I'm not the same person I was before.  But God is still refining me.  He is still revealing my sin to me.  And though it may look like I have my act together for the most part, you've got to remind yourself of this one thing.  I am a wretch on whom God has had mercy.  Nothing more.  God's mercy is the power behind the conviction I have and its telling.  God's mercy is my worth.  He showed me my sin, and loved my broken and contrite heart.