I'm just a girl named Amy. Well, ok, I guess I'm a woman now. I'm am a wife, a home school mom of seven children, a vocalist, a songwriter and minister of music and a few other things...but inside, I still feel like a little girl. I'm drawn to laughter, I am unsure of myself, I would prefer to be with someone I can look to for wisdom, strength, protection and security, and there are days when I look around myself and I'm amazed that I am responsible for so much! I mean...how can it be? I'm just a girl named Amy!
While there have been times in my life when my surety of my calling has given me confidence enough to carry it out, those who know me more intimately know that inside of myself I'm a bundle of nerves each time I presume to take the stage. Once I'm there and I'm speaking and singing about the amazing truth of the gospel and love of Jesus, I am filled with joy to be able to minister to people and I can hardly wait for the next opportunity. But usually before I take the stage I feel ill, I get panicky, and at times I feel like bailing out on the whole commitment.
When I was growing up I was not so very drawn to the typical things other girls were drawn too. I was a sporty tomboy who didn't care much about what I wore, who loved to play hard and be tough. Girly things like being fashion conscious or popular or famous never appealed to me as much as catching lizards, playing cops-n-robbers or football, building forts, play-fighting or hunting with my big brother. When it came to friendships I liked to play mostly with boys because they didn't care about girly things either. They just wanted to play and play hard and I liked that.
But here I am, a life time later, living a completely feminine life as a wife and mother, being a homemaker, playing with babies (only they're real) and loving it. And even though being a widely known person was never something I desired as a teen, now I'm often on stage in front of an audience and people I don't know come up to me in various places to speak with me and tell me how much my ministry has blessed them. I get messages from people from all over the country, and even other countries, thanking me for the songs I write and the testimony of my life. I would never have imagined my life would be this way. After all, I'm just a girl named Amy. But, even though I didn't plan for things to be like they are, it blesses me to know that God is working through my life to bless others.
Who I am is not determined by my fears or insecurities. Who I am is not even determined by my own thoughts about myself or what I think I can do. Who I am has been determined by God, who has given worth to me and this ministry. Just like he's made me into a girly mama in every sense of the way, He has also called me to proclaim His truth in a public format. So even though I prefer to be out of the public eye enjoying my quiet farm, I am called to live a much different life than I probably would have chosen for myself. And I will pursue God's call with all my heart because THAT is His will right now for me. I'm just a girl named Amy, but I serve an amazing God, who transformed a little scrawny tomboy of a girl into a woman empowered by the Spirit of God to tell the world about Jesus.
No comments:
Post a Comment